She couldn't remember my name... so I just sang, "When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie" and she joined in, belting out, "That's amoré!” Together we would warble about the stars in the sky, smiling in unison.
Special old songs ignite memories, so deeply etched in our brains that they remain ours for life, even if we haven't recalled them for years.Music is a key that unlocks the door to memories. Use that key to access the essence of an individual's spirit. If you saw the inspiring and moving 2014 documentary Alive Inside, you know that people living with dementia can recall memories at the sound of a song — and that brings comfort and a sense of identity and autonomy. Familiar music also can soothe during sundowning periods or moments when your loved one seems agitated or blue. So grab your smartphone or tablet, and build a music playlist for your companion. Find song ideas by looking up lists of "hit songs from the 19xx's" (choose the decade when your companion was a teenager or young adult). Wikipedia has a linked list of popular song hits from all eras. Or just try singing the old standard, “You Are My Sunshine,” or other popular or spiritual songs from your companion's 20s or 30s. It's likely he or she will relish the moment. Early Beatles songs do the trick, too!
Here are ten tips for using music in a sweet, no-pressure way, to engage with a person who has dementia:
1. Name That Tune: Hum or whistle the melody and see if your companion can guess the song or sing some lyrics.
2. Finish the Lyrics: Sing the first lines of an old song with simple lyrics, then indicate your companion should sing the next line. American standards to try: "This land is your land, this land is ____" or "Do Re Mi" (as in "Doe-A-Deer").
3. Photo album soundtrack: Choose a few favorite old photos to enjoy together while you play recordings of popular songs from the same era as the photos.
4. Sing-along: Ask your companion to sing you a song, and ask for permission to sing along.
5. Play old favorites: If your companion can converse, ask about favorite singers and musical groups, then create a custom playlist of songs by those performers that you can play for him or her.
6. When conversation isn't possible: Sing or play music at a low level while touching his or her hand and smiling.
7. Enhance daily routines: While preparing a meal, or helping with other daily activities, play the "favorites" playlist.
8. Group singing: Print and hand out lyric sheets to friends at residential communities, then organize an a cappella crew. To find lyrics, dig through this music resource and you'll find the words to Beatles and other classic rock and folk songs, and movie and musical soundtrack hits.
9. If lyrics are difficult to follow, engage your companion in drumming, clapping, or finger- or foot-tapping along with the rhythm, which can be soothing.
10. Sometimes music can trigger sadness or bittersweet feelings — even grief — so pay attention to your companion's reactions to each song, and be ready to give a hug or a kiss, and switch to a different oldie-but-goodie.
Weave a little melody and rhythm into your companion's daily routine and you will bring joy and help him or her take a little dance down memory lane. Music is a healing force!
-Linda Jacobson, Member, Sigma Phi Omega, The International Academic Honor and Professional Society in Gerontology
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